How You Can Actually Upgrade Your Social Circle As an Adult
"Your network is your net worth. You are who you surround yourself with." -- every guru online.
Okay, thanks. We get the point. We’re supposed to hang out with rich and successful people only. We have to ditch all of our friends.
What am I supposed to do with this information? Let’s look at how you can upgrade your social circle as you get older…
You’ve likely heard that you’re the average of the five people that you spend your time with or some variation of this quote. I would obviously like to hang out with the richest and fittest people in the world. However, you can’t just enter a new social circle because you got motivated after watching a video. This isn't exactly how life works, and it's not always easy to make new friends as you get older.
This is an annoying aspect of self-help. Everyone knows they need better friends and should upgrade their social circles. It's not easy to be around these people, though. Most millionaires and famous athletes aren't looking for new friends.
That said, you may realize it's time for new friends. Your current friends might be whiners, or they're just too negative. One thing that holds many of us back is that we hang around the wrong crowd. You want friends who are a good influence on you and will push you to do better. You don't know how to make this happen.
Here's what you need to know about your social circle.
There's a lot that nobody really tells us about our social circle and who we hang around. This is one aspect of our lives where we're on our own. We have to figure it out.
Here are a few things that you really have to know about your social circle as an adult...
Who you surround yourself is more important than you think...
You may think that it's harmless to be in the wrong social circle, but it can be extremely harmful for the following reasons:
You get caught up in their bad habits.
You have a negative mindset.
You never change.
You don’t know what else is possible.
You get stuck in the same situation.
It gets tougher to meet new people as you get older.
The more set in your ways that you get, the tougher it's going to become to meet new friends. This is fine and nobody's telling you to ditch your lifelong friends. It's just critical that you expand your network if you want to move up in life.
The longer you wait, the more challenging it will be to meet new people. It only becomes tougher to meet new people because you’re less likely to attempt to put yourself out there.
You don't have to hang around the same crowd your entire life.
A buddy from the gym always complains about his friends. I finally had to ask him why he keeps the same company then. He answered that he's known these people for a long time. That's a terrible excuse. Just because someone has been bringing you down for the last ten years doesn't mean you have to let this continue.
Here are a few other uncomfortable truths that nobody will tell you about your social circle:
You don't have to hang out with co-workers.
It's okay to have friends with different interests.
You don't want anyone to bring you down in life.
You're not selfish if you do what's best for you.
It's uncomfortable to meet new people, and that's okay.
Let's look at how to change our social circles.
How do you improve your social circle?
“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.” -- Dale Carnegie
I can't exactly send The Rock a tweet and then wait for him to start training with me. I wish that it was that easy to improve your social circle. It's actually pretty challenging to improve your social circle so most people simply give up.
Here's what you can do...
Start by working on yourself.
Are you where you want to be? Can you work on yourself first?
As you try to improve your social circle, it's important that you work on yourself. You have to be the type of person others want to have around so that you don’t embarrass yourself with networking attempts.
What can you do here?
Get your attitude in check.
Work on becoming more positive.
Start working out.
Build good habits slowly.
Start caring about others.
Ask more questions.
Become more interesting.
Working on your conversation skills.
If you don’t work on yourself first, then this shows that you’re not serious. A casual friend wanted an introduction to a personal trainer who I knew. I told the guy that he had to get serious on his own first. He didn’t and he went ahead to contact the personal trainer. He paid the trainer for a workout program. Then he didn’t do any of the workouts and he just complained about the program. This guy annoyed me and the personal trainer.
You have to work on yourself before switching up your social circle. On that note…
Do something huge.
You have to do something to stick out and be noticed eventually.
What are examples of this?
Make something happen on your own.
Become a transformation/successful case study.
Work on your own progress.
Become a leader.
Upgrade your skills.
Long story short: take some bold actions to get noticed.
You can’t make friends or build a reputation on potential or what you claim you will do one day. I hear it all of the time. Someone messages me about how they will start a blog or a new podcast. They share nonstop motivational quotes. Then they do nothing. What’s the point of this?
Do it first and then talk about it after so that you have something to talk about.
Buy your way in.
You may have to spend some money to get noticed. You may even have to buy your way in to change your social circle.
How do you buy your way in?
Pay for coaching to find a mentor who will open up new possibilities for you.
Join an association or some sort of a group.
Attend events in your field.
I’m not a fan of paying to play, but when you’re trying to change up your social circle, you’re going to have to make some drastic changes. You can’t be cheap when trying to change your social circle.
I’ve paid to join a new gym and to try new hobbies. I’ve always ended up making new friends while improving myself.
Try new activities and challenge yourself.
You won’t meet new people if you keep on doing the same things. It’s important that you try new activities and constantly challenge yourself.
Here are a few ways to meet new people with different activities:
Try rock climbing.
Do dance lessons.
Get into any form of MMA training.
Join a professional association.
Don’t wait for anyone to join. Try any of these activities on your own and you’ll meet people there.
Stop being so selfish and self-centered.
Don't you hate when somebody only reaches out to you when they want something? Your goal should be never to become that person. Stop making things about you. Get into the habit of reaching out to see if your friends need anything. Be helpful and useful. Don’t just ask for stuff. Become a reliable person who gives a shit.
“Who you know determines who you are—how you feel, how you act, and what you achieve.” -- Keith Ferrazzi
Just because you’re an adult it doesn’t mean that you can’t meet new friends. It’s much easier to upgrade your social circle than you think.